Did you ever just want to complain? Did you ever have the urge to just grab someone off the street, sit them down in front of you, complain about every single last thing that is going wrong in your life, and then watch the shock on their face as they struggle to believe that anyone could possibly have as much bad luck as you do? Of course they would then tell you, after hearing your whole story, that you are a superhero for being able to put up with so much undeserved yuck in your life. Yes, I called it "yuck".
Realistically now... I know my life isn't the worst ever. Not by a long shot. I know if I complained about my life to any random person out there, they wouldn't stare at me in shock and/or sympathy, because my life probably wouldn't be any worse than theirs. We all have bad things happen to us. That's just the way life works. I guess sometimes I would like for someone to just know about my struggles in life, care about what I'm going through, and not say "I told you so" or "Well, you brought this on yourself...." when things are going badly. I feel sad that I can't go to some of my "close" family members for emotional support during hard times like this because I will almost definitely hear "You deserve this, you don't have a job." or "You should leave Eric, he's not taking care of you the way a real man should." or "See, if you'd gone to college you would be rich by now and you'd never have any problems." That has been going on far too long and it's now very predictable. I don't want a lecture. I already know everything they are going to say and whether or not I agree with it. Then, because I'm feeling degraded and inferior, I start to either cry or defend myself (which never gets me anywhere). I'm now very selective about what I tell certain people in my family. I only tell them about good things that happen to me so I don't spark a lecture. What I really want, deep down, is for those particular family members to actually be on my side for once. I want for them to say things like, "You didn't do anything wrong.", "You don't deserve this.", "You are a good person." and for them to support me in my life when things are tough.
I hope my children never feel so alone in their struggles. I want them to feel like I'll always be on their side when things are getting tough in their lives. I want to be the first person Ricky calls when he's older and something goes wrong. Okay, I might have to accept it if he calls his wife first, but I don't ever want him to put off telling me because he's afraid of my reaction.
Realistically now... I know my life isn't the worst ever. Not by a long shot. I know if I complained about my life to any random person out there, they wouldn't stare at me in shock and/or sympathy, because my life probably wouldn't be any worse than theirs. We all have bad things happen to us. That's just the way life works. I guess sometimes I would like for someone to just know about my struggles in life, care about what I'm going through, and not say "I told you so" or "Well, you brought this on yourself...." when things are going badly. I feel sad that I can't go to some of my "close" family members for emotional support during hard times like this because I will almost definitely hear "You deserve this, you don't have a job." or "You should leave Eric, he's not taking care of you the way a real man should." or "See, if you'd gone to college you would be rich by now and you'd never have any problems." That has been going on far too long and it's now very predictable. I don't want a lecture. I already know everything they are going to say and whether or not I agree with it. Then, because I'm feeling degraded and inferior, I start to either cry or defend myself (which never gets me anywhere). I'm now very selective about what I tell certain people in my family. I only tell them about good things that happen to me so I don't spark a lecture. What I really want, deep down, is for those particular family members to actually be on my side for once. I want for them to say things like, "You didn't do anything wrong.", "You don't deserve this.", "You are a good person." and for them to support me in my life when things are tough.
I hope my children never feel so alone in their struggles. I want them to feel like I'll always be on their side when things are getting tough in their lives. I want to be the first person Ricky calls when he's older and something goes wrong. Okay, I might have to accept it if he calls his wife first, but I don't ever want him to put off telling me because he's afraid of my reaction.
I'm so sorry. It is sad and awful that family isn't there for you. You have gone through a lot and time a time again, I see you not give up and keep trying.
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