I hate using my blog to complain, but I just feel so sad lately and I don't know who to talk to. Of course I talk to my husband about it, but since my problems are also his problems, it's not the same. I'm so devastated that Eric had that job offer revoked, and I can't get over it even though it happened at least a week or so ago. I even had a dream last night that they called my husband and changed their minds. It was a good dream, and then I woke up depressed and with a migraine.
When he received that job offer, for the first time in a long time I felt like things were coming together, like we would finally be able to rise above our hard times. I started to feel secure, safe, and stable, because I knew that within a few weeks we'd be making enough money to survive and things would come together. Of course, I should know BY NOW, after 3 years of "revoked job offers" and various other roadblocks, not to count my chickens before they hatch. The timing of the job was crucial, we needed that job and we needed it NOW. Do you want to know why he lost that job offer? He just found out a few minutes ago after calling Friday's again and talking to the GM. It's because in 2003 when he worked at a different Friday's he was 5 minutes late to work one time (due to an accident) and he got written up. He worked at Fridays for more than 4 years and he was late one time by 5 minutes, so now he clearly isn't eligible for a management position. Give me a break.
Like I've said before, I never really believed in bad luck before I met my husband. I've seen him get screwed out of so many jobs at this point, I can't help but feel that he is cursed with some seriously horrible bad luck. When I met him he had a good job at a factory, but he was laid off with the recession. He received some job offers after that, and as soon as he accepted an offer, something would go wrong. When we moved to Tennessee he worked at a Fridays' there, and they were supposed to transfer him to a closer store to our home where he would be "training for manager". We were thrilled! Long story short... The manager at his old store found someone to replace him after his last day, just like any logical employer would do, but the "new store" changed their minds about hiring him and then he was left completely jobless. Every time he's offered a better position, he ends up losing it all. I'm sure everyone in my family thinks we're lying every time we tell them about a new job he's going to get, I can imagine them thinking, "yeah right..." in their heads, because they've heard "Eric got a new job!" the job falls through. But my Eric is a great man and a great person and works hard whenever he has an opportunity to have a job, and it frustrates me that no one even takes us seriously anymore because of how many times this has happened to us. Usually when he loses a job it's before he's even had a chance to start working, or due to something that nobody in the world could have prevented (like the recession or a fire at his last job). It's not like he gets fired because he goofs off all the time. I've seen so many people less worthy than my husband keep jobs, people that show up late and treat everyone badly (their boss, their co-workers, customers). I know someone who kept a job for YEARS AND YEARS who went to work every day and slept in a private spot for his entire shift and no one ever noticed. He eventually got fired, but only because he was stupid enough to leave his coffee mug beside his makeshift bed, and they found out what he was doing. How do people out there get paid for sleeping when my husband never even gets a chance to work? This is one of those times where I just want to stomp my foot like a 4 year old and scream, "It's not fair!" But stomping my foot and complaining won't actually make anything better.
By the way, we only have 1 car and no one to watch our son, so priority #1 is getting a job for Eric, not me, because it will be hard for both of us to work with 1 car and no childcare and Eric has more job experience and qualifications than I do. I know that Eric needs to get a job first and foremost, before we even try to figure out how to juggle BOTH of us having jobs, and yet I feel so helpless. I guess that's why I'm so sad, it's because I'm helpless. I don't feel like there's much I can do right now other than support my husband, but doing that doesn't improve any of our most pressing problems.
I believe in God but I haven't practiced religion the way I know I should. I would consider myself a Christian, but not a very dedicated one. Eric doesn't know if he believes in God or not, so I think that's one of the things that makes it so hard. I don't blame him. If you weren't raised by your parents to be religious, what reasons do you have to believe in God? I can't force him to be religious but it's hard to live a religious lifestyle when your spouse doesn't, so I haven't tried. Despite our different views of religion (and he's not opposed to religion, he's just confused and unsure) I still believe we are meant to be together. I believe God led me to Eric, literally, and I have my reasons for believing that. It's actually a nice story, but I'm too depressed to go into a "nice story" right now. I had just started going back to church when I met Eric (that isn't the story) and I felt so peaceful, happy, and relieved. Things were very bad in my life before that, but suddenly things started going better when I started going to church, maybe it was a coincidence, but the way I felt inside wasn't just "coincidence". I felt great, and strong, and happy. But I got so involved with Eric that I stopped going to church, even though I felt in my heart that I should go. That's a great payback to God for leading me to the man of my dreams, right? Just quitting religion? I'm so ashamed. I often wonder if things are going to badly for us because God is giving me a sign that we can't do this (life) without Him. But plenty of people, thousands, MILLIONS, go through life without religion and get by just fine. So I doubt our bad times have anything to do with God trying to teach us a lesson. I guess that's just the superstitious side of me looking desperately for a reason behind everything bad that happens in life. No one wants to admit that they deserve the bad things that happen to them or that they aren't working hard enough to make good things happen. I'm no exception.
When he received that job offer, for the first time in a long time I felt like things were coming together, like we would finally be able to rise above our hard times. I started to feel secure, safe, and stable, because I knew that within a few weeks we'd be making enough money to survive and things would come together. Of course, I should know BY NOW, after 3 years of "revoked job offers" and various other roadblocks, not to count my chickens before they hatch. The timing of the job was crucial, we needed that job and we needed it NOW. Do you want to know why he lost that job offer? He just found out a few minutes ago after calling Friday's again and talking to the GM. It's because in 2003 when he worked at a different Friday's he was 5 minutes late to work one time (due to an accident) and he got written up. He worked at Fridays for more than 4 years and he was late one time by 5 minutes, so now he clearly isn't eligible for a management position. Give me a break.
Like I've said before, I never really believed in bad luck before I met my husband. I've seen him get screwed out of so many jobs at this point, I can't help but feel that he is cursed with some seriously horrible bad luck. When I met him he had a good job at a factory, but he was laid off with the recession. He received some job offers after that, and as soon as he accepted an offer, something would go wrong. When we moved to Tennessee he worked at a Fridays' there, and they were supposed to transfer him to a closer store to our home where he would be "training for manager". We were thrilled! Long story short... The manager at his old store found someone to replace him after his last day, just like any logical employer would do, but the "new store" changed their minds about hiring him and then he was left completely jobless. Every time he's offered a better position, he ends up losing it all. I'm sure everyone in my family thinks we're lying every time we tell them about a new job he's going to get, I can imagine them thinking, "yeah right..." in their heads, because they've heard "Eric got a new job!" the job falls through. But my Eric is a great man and a great person and works hard whenever he has an opportunity to have a job, and it frustrates me that no one even takes us seriously anymore because of how many times this has happened to us. Usually when he loses a job it's before he's even had a chance to start working, or due to something that nobody in the world could have prevented (like the recession or a fire at his last job). It's not like he gets fired because he goofs off all the time. I've seen so many people less worthy than my husband keep jobs, people that show up late and treat everyone badly (their boss, their co-workers, customers). I know someone who kept a job for YEARS AND YEARS who went to work every day and slept in a private spot for his entire shift and no one ever noticed. He eventually got fired, but only because he was stupid enough to leave his coffee mug beside his makeshift bed, and they found out what he was doing. How do people out there get paid for sleeping when my husband never even gets a chance to work? This is one of those times where I just want to stomp my foot like a 4 year old and scream, "It's not fair!" But stomping my foot and complaining won't actually make anything better.
By the way, we only have 1 car and no one to watch our son, so priority #1 is getting a job for Eric, not me, because it will be hard for both of us to work with 1 car and no childcare and Eric has more job experience and qualifications than I do. I know that Eric needs to get a job first and foremost, before we even try to figure out how to juggle BOTH of us having jobs, and yet I feel so helpless. I guess that's why I'm so sad, it's because I'm helpless. I don't feel like there's much I can do right now other than support my husband, but doing that doesn't improve any of our most pressing problems.
I believe in God but I haven't practiced religion the way I know I should. I would consider myself a Christian, but not a very dedicated one. Eric doesn't know if he believes in God or not, so I think that's one of the things that makes it so hard. I don't blame him. If you weren't raised by your parents to be religious, what reasons do you have to believe in God? I can't force him to be religious but it's hard to live a religious lifestyle when your spouse doesn't, so I haven't tried. Despite our different views of religion (and he's not opposed to religion, he's just confused and unsure) I still believe we are meant to be together. I believe God led me to Eric, literally, and I have my reasons for believing that. It's actually a nice story, but I'm too depressed to go into a "nice story" right now. I had just started going back to church when I met Eric (that isn't the story) and I felt so peaceful, happy, and relieved. Things were very bad in my life before that, but suddenly things started going better when I started going to church, maybe it was a coincidence, but the way I felt inside wasn't just "coincidence". I felt great, and strong, and happy. But I got so involved with Eric that I stopped going to church, even though I felt in my heart that I should go. That's a great payback to God for leading me to the man of my dreams, right? Just quitting religion? I'm so ashamed. I often wonder if things are going to badly for us because God is giving me a sign that we can't do this (life) without Him. But plenty of people, thousands, MILLIONS, go through life without religion and get by just fine. So I doubt our bad times have anything to do with God trying to teach us a lesson. I guess that's just the superstitious side of me looking desperately for a reason behind everything bad that happens in life. No one wants to admit that they deserve the bad things that happen to them or that they aren't working hard enough to make good things happen. I'm no exception.
I wish I had some magical words to say to make things all better or some great advice...but I am stumped. It sucks, it's not fair and I am so sorry. I hope he gets a break soon.
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