Ultrasound Today: This Might Change My Life.

It is exactly 1AM (as I started typing this sentence) and in exactly 8 hours I will be sitting in my doctor's office waiting for my ultrasound appointment to start.  I will have to pee, badly, I will be nervous, and I will possibly be more excited than I've ever been in my life.

This ultrasound will change everything.  Right now I only know that I am pregnant.  I am 8w5d pregnant (or at least I should be) and I am due on Valentine's Day, but I really have no idea if all that is true.  That's only based on the last time I had a period.  Here is why this ultrasound will change everything:

1.  The size of my stomach has had me wondering if it could be twins for the past few weeks- I've been showing since 6 weeks!  Finding out I'm expecting twins (or more) would forever change my life.  I will love every single baby I ever give birth to in my life, even if it's a thousand, but twins are scary.  It's just too much for a weak person like myself to easily handle.  I'm not afraid to admit I'm weak, but maybe twins would make me stronger.  And less sane, for sure.  Maybe the key to being strong is to be insane.

2.  Another possibility is that I'm pregnant with 1 baby but we will find out today that I'm quite a bit further along than 8w5d, and that would be life changing as well.  It wouldn't be quite as life changing as finding out I'm pregnant with twins, but I would have to hurry up a bit on my crocheting/knitting projects, plan things a lot quicker, adjust to the idea of a radically new due date, and then I would finally be able to start bonding with the baby.  It's hard to bond with a baby/babies in my stomach when I don't know how many there are, how big the baby is, if the wiggles I feel in my belly are just gas or little kicks, or when I can finally meet her.  There is so much unknown to me right now that I can't fully embrace everything yet the way I'd like to.

3.  The last possibility is that I'm really only 8w5d pregnant with 1 baby, and that would blow my mind.  How could my stomach change so much so quickly if there is only 1 bean-sized baby in the part of my pelvis hidden behind my pubic bone?  If this is what I find out, that's fine, but I will feel fat and bloated instead of pregnant and glowing, and annoyed at myself for getting so worked up over nothing all this time.  Yet, this discovery is still a good one because it would clear up all my worries and allow me to relax a little and start bonding with my bean (who I've already nicknamed Dip).

One of our son's nicknames (the one that stuck the most) is Dupe.  When he was first born I called him Little Dude, then I called him Dude, then I called him Dudie for a while, which changed somehow to Dupie, and we shortened it to Dupe.  It may not be a "normal" nickname but somehow it fits him.  So #2 is Dip.  Gosh I feel silly admitting that to people, but no one will probably read this anyway.  =)

Did I mention I'm nervous/excited for my ultrasound.  I don't even know how I can possibly wait another 7.5 hours!